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German Quotebook's Journal

Friday, April 29, 2005

8:50PM - These aren't the funniest things, but it's all I have.

Max: Frau, is there any small, furry creature you don't like?

Frau: No, I like all furry animals... even my husband.



Max: Whoa, calm down Frau. It's not like any of us do what you tell us to do anyway.



Current mood: crazy

Tuesday, February 1, 2005


Is this community dead? It's almost been two months since the last post.. and that was mine...

I hope we can get this active once again, because I love Germans : )

Frau: You can't even imagine the hell I'll put you through until you graduate.


Current mood: curious

Thursday, December 2, 2004

8:18PM - AH!

I accidently updated too soon... I have more quotes.

(Frau Marshall explaining "auf" and "ab")

Frau: 'Auf' means 'off', and 'ab' means 'up'... yeah that's right... auf ofp apf uff oop AAAAH!!!

(We were talking about sentence structure or something, and Frau just blurts this out)

Frau: By the way, does anyone know what sound a beaver makes?

Max: What do beavers have to do with anything?! Seriously, you're crazy.

Frau: Well I was watching a show about beavers last night on TV. They were showing the Papa Beaver and how he builds a dam! It was so cute! They even said dams can stand for 100 years! I think I like beavers better than squirrels now...

Frau has this thing about squirrels. Wild squirrels come and sit on her deck, and she feeds them and considers them as pets. She also considers those light up deer as pets... she even went so far as to put one in her living room and name it! She also gives us daily reports on how her squirrels are doing.

(This is also very random)

Frau: I like Jackie Chan. I love watching the animated Jackie Chan shows on TV!


Frau: I also like watching Teen Titans!!! *proceeds to do the Teen Titans theme song*

Max: I'm definately not coming to school tomorrow if she's going to be like this.


8:15PM - Frau Marshall... 'nuff said.

(We were reading in our book, looking at the pictures of leisure time activities.)

Frau Marshall: I hope these pictures aren't actually to scale, because that would make the Klarinette bigger than the Skis! OH OH! It's like that commercial with the big long instrument thing... you know... 'RIIIIIIIICOLAVE!"


Friday, November 19, 2004


I think a requirement for all German teachers is that they have to be insane.

This isn't an actual quote from my teacher, Frau Marshall, but it has to be shared with other people who will appreciate the strangeness of German teachers.

For lack of anything better to do one day, we watched old German teaching vidoes all hour. It was really crappy, and kind of funny, but then Frau decided she needed to rewind certain parts and watch them in SLOW MOTION!!!!!!

We watched a grandma slap the hand of a guy who had just grabbed a weanie from a platter... in slow motion. Over and over again. I guess it's more funny if you actually saw it though...

My German teacher last year, Frau Fleck, spent a whole day talking with us about German prostition and public nudity.

It's actually hard NOT to be inappropriate in German class.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

2:13AM - one more, before I forget it

Coach had just told the class something nice about coursework that we didn't have to do ... the class was appreciative.

Shirley (with a big smile on his face; happily) Coach, are hugs appropriate?

Saturday, July 31, 2004

5:53PM - Wow...

Yeah, so I probably won't post for a while...I had something really big just hit me hard, (I don't think I should post it) so I've been really not in the mood and distracted.


Current mood: disappointed

Thursday, July 22, 2004

9:19PM - More Coach quotes from me!

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Current mood: weird

Friday, July 2, 2004

12:27PM - Crazy Germans :P

Hey, I'm new here...and I had a German teacher who's also the swim coach (I just graduated from high school), and he says and does really crazy things...."Liz" is me, by the way...most of the time, unless I say different.

Coach: *blowing on this girl who just got out of the water*
Girl (forgot her name): Hey, stop that, I'm a tropical girl!
Coach: You're not a tropical girl!
Girl: *I forget, something about Hawaii or something...*
Coach: You ARE tropical. *turns to Liz* You're not tropical.
Liz: Nope.
Coach: You're a penguin.

~*Before Weights*~
*Friend and Liz waiting for class to start*
*Girl walks in late*
Coach: There you are! Where the hell have you been? *turns to other weights teacher* I was speaking in German. Hell means light.
Friend and Liz turn to each other and say: Where the light have you been?

He also has "international signs". He has an international sign for "No", "Get your groove on" and other things...pretty scary at times, especially when he's doing the international sign for "get your groove on" on the desk...

((I had this planned for some time...I wanted to say I was going to quit, and see Coach's reaction...bad idea))
Liz: *standing in front of classroom door, talking to Jessica* I changed my mind.
Jessica: What?
Liz: I'm quitting Swimming.
Coach: *not facing me, but does a quick 90 degree turn and looks at me, mouth wide open* What?! After all we've been through! I had to put up with YOU!
Liz: I'm kidding!
Coach: Yeah you're kidding! *somebody is talking to him* I'm in a bad mood now, because of LIZ!
*Cat and Liz walking down the hall behind him*
Cat : Hey, are you still mad at Liz?
Coach: *No answer*
Liz: See, he's mad, he won't even talk to me!
Coach: I'll talk to you Liz...*HISS!* I hope you fall down the stairs and break your head open and your brains fall out so I can SPIT on them!.....I hope you sprain your ankle. Again.

Liz: I'm so tired...
Coach: Are you sick too? Get it, sick and tired...heh heh heh...
Liz: I'm sick and tired of you.
Coach: *does the 90 degree stare again* Are you sure you're okay with saying things like that?
Liz: Yeah, I'm fine.

((Kay, beforehand, I had just gone to a thing that the Band members were invited to, and I was late for German))

Coach: About time you limped to class.
Katy: You should hear what happened to you!
Coach: Oh yeah, you got hit by a bus. I'm so sorry.
Liz: Yes!
Liz: I got hit by a bus?
Katy: Yeah...hey, Herr (what she calls him), what was that noise you made of Liz getting hit by the bus?
Coach: thump thump thump thump...

*We had to write on a paper what we like on our pizza, and he was reading them while we waiting for the bell to ring to leave*
Coach: Liz, this is funny...you like Rabbit Bacon on your pizza?
Liz: I put that?
*I didn't hear the end of that for quite sometime...*

*Happened on a swim trip*
(I forgot all my money...)
Coach: You're set for today (Pizza party with the "host swimmers"). Do you want me to give you $5 for tomorrow.
Liz: *nods frantically*
Coach: Okay. That's 100% interest, figure it out by Monday, okay?
Liz: *nods again, laughing*

Liz: *laughing*
Coach: *glares*
Becky: Liz is making fun of you.
Coach: Liz always makes fun of me.
Becky: You should kick her out.
Coach: Alright, that's it, get out!
~*during swim practice, my mom shows up and I tell her that I got kicked out of class*~
Coach: I didn't kick you out of class! Did I?
Liz: Yeah you did, remember, I was making fun of you!
Coach: Oh yeah, and you'd better not make fun of me any more missy.
Mom: You used to be such a good girl, what happened?
Coach: She going stright down the path to you-know-where.

*~*Hope you enjoyed them, I'll think of more and post them!*~*

Current mood: crazy

Wednesday, March 10, 2004


Coach: Karen, when you're president of German club next year ...
Karen: I am?
Coach: Yeah, so, anyway ...
(edited to add that it looks like Rod is the frontrunner for German club president next year. Go Rowdy!)

Coach: (hands Alyssa Karen's test; snatches it back up; hands it to Karen)
Alyssa: So I'm Karen now?
Karen: I feel the love heree
Coach: No, when you were out, Karen sat there for, like, two days.
Karen: (vehemently) No, I didn't!
Coach: Yes, you did!
Karen: No, Coach, I didn't!
Rod: She didn't sit there, Coach. (sits behind Alyssa; Alyssa sits next to me)
Sarah: Can everybody please stop arguing?
Coach: I'm not arguing! I didn't start it. I said to Alyssa that Karen had sat there for two days, and what did you say, Karen?
Karen: "No, I didn't!"
Sarah: Stop fighting!
Coach: Yeah!
Karen: No! I said, "No, I didn't!"
Coach: Can we end this? I don't want to fight.
Karen: Because you're wrong and I'm right.
Coach: You were sitting over here and then over there and then over here again when she was gone!
Karen: No, Coach, I remember that day, and I sat behind Rod and next to behind Rod and on the floor!
Coach: Well, you were all over the place. You sat there.
Karen: No, I didn't!

Sarah: Why is everybody arguing with Coach? Rod, just accept that the dictionary is wrong!
Karen: (no irony at all) Yeah, because this is the third word that Coach has told us is wrong in this particular dictionary, and it isn't trustworthy.

Karen: Dude, you are so wrong.
Coach: Don't use Dude with me!

Coach: Sweet!
Karen:: You can use sweet, but I can't use dude?

Current mood: okay


Coach: (hands out sheet labeled "Top Ten Reasons to Take German")
Rod: Coach, there are eleven reasons on this list.
Karen: Don't worry, Rod, number eleven talks about how cool Coach is.

Coach: This is German class! We do not have fun in German class! (bad German accent) Ve arr Nazis. Ve falloh orrdurs!

Coach: There will be no fun in German class!

Rodleigh: Hey, Coach. Today in history, we talked about Nazi's, and I thought of you.

Coach is outside the door, giving oral quizzes. Cheyenne really has to pee, but he can't say "Darf ich auf die Toilette gehen" properly, so Coach won't let him go. He's on the floor, moaning, when he notices that Sarah Ghent has some gum. He asks her for some. She only has one piece left, so she starts to break it in half ... then pauses
Sarah: Do you mind if I touch it?
Cheyenne: (halfheartedly) Go ahead. Touch it.
Coach: (head appears suddenly) (blinks) (head pops back out)
Cheyenne: (more loudly) Thanks, Sarah.
Coach: (head appears again) Oh! Cheyenne. I didn't see anybody there and was, like, "Oh my gosh! (forcefully) Don't touch it!"
"The Group": (laughs)

Eric is running around the room, picking up these really random rubber bands. He's crawling on his hands and knees occasionally, and it gets really annoying.
Cheyenne: Hey, man, can you STOP IT?
Bobby: He's got a thing for used rubbers.
Cheyenne: Because it's the only kind he can get.
Coach: (randomly laughing)
"The Group:" (freaked out; did Coach hear that?)

And, from the Pre-AP German II students!
Loren: Coach Grubb, I feel threatened. Somebody wrote "Die" (say it as in English) on my paper.
Suzy: Did someone write Der and Das too?

Current mood: dorky

Thursday, February 12, 2004


Previously, on the German Quotebook; Shirley is guy.

Shirley: Coach, I need help.
Coach Grubb: Is it something I can help you with?
Shirley: (maybe a little too enthusiastically) Oh, yeah, yeah.
class: (laughs)


Coach: (writes something on the board with a flourish)
Nadia: What's that at the end of the sentence?!
Coach: (sullenly; defensively) It's an exclamation point.
Karen: It's a really girly one.
Coach: (smiling brightly) Hey, Shirley, maybe I can help you!

And now, on the German Quotebook

Coach Grubb: (suddenly) What, Shirley?!
Shirley: (startled; with a soft grin) That smile you had, Coach. You just held it for a long time. It was really cute.
class: (burst into laughter)


Shirley: (waving his hand) Coach, I don't understand!
Coach: Yeah, you're pretty confused, huh?
class: (laughs)
Coach: Pretty good pun! (raucous laughter)
Karen: (aside) Pun?
Alyssa: Confused ... you know ...
Karen: OH! As in, he doesn't understand! Not just about his ... wow, I jumped right to the fun one there, huh?


Karen: Shirley, your nickname is Confucius!
Rod: Good one!

Current mood: chipper

Monday, December 15, 2003

7:56PM - Guten Tag, Kinder!

No, it's not Frau Bloomberg. (Is she really spelt like that, btw? Very unusual name.) Was just randomly browsing around and found this community.

Just wanted to say hi, and am I the first native speaker on here? If you ever need help with homework, you know... :)

Wednesday, December 3, 2003

5:34PM - Yay, lj cuts for all!

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Current mood: productive

Monday, December 1, 2003

10:51PM - Cut to death and long overdue...

I'll have some new stuff up real soon but for now, have fun with these (I've already posted some but I'm too lazy to go back and look so just skip it if you've read it)

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And as many of the new ones as I can shove in here before I get booted:

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Again, I'm sorry for putting so much crazy cutting in one entry.

Current mood: productive

Saturday, November 15, 2003


Karen: Hey, Coach, you're in the German Quotebook now, along with Frau Bloomberg.
Coach: (He's had it explained to him before) Oh really? What's she done?
Karen: She ... mutters things. Like, um, "All these eyes, all these ears." Or she tells people to persue revenge during the break.
Coach: See, now, that's not funny. I am funny!

Shirley: (he has a German couple staying with him; friends of the family) ... and my father and he got drunk last night, so he wanders upstairs and goes, "Pat-er-eek, vair is my room?"


Hey, you guys -- POST SOMETHING! I know you have strange times in your German class, or with German neighbors, visitors, whatever. Talk!

Coach: (calling role: I'm first) Karen ... Elizabeth. Am I right?
Karen: Yeah, coach, you are.
Coach: (goes through role) Okay ... Patrick ... Sean?
Shirley: No, Coach. You'll never get it.
Coach: Sherman?
Shirley: Sure, Coach! It's better than my real name.
Coach: (almost incredulously) Your name is Shirley Sherman?
class: (laughs: this is his nickname, and that made it sound like it was his actual name. heh.)

Shirley: Coach, I need help.
Coach Grubb: Is it something I can help you with.
Shirley: (maybe a little too enthusiastically) Oh, yeah, yeah.
class: (laughs)

Coach: (writes something on the board with a flourish)
Nadia: What's that at the end of the sentence?!
Coach: (sullenly; defensively) It's an exclamation point.
Karen: It's a really girly one.
Coach: (smiling brightly) Hey, Shirley, maybe I can help you!

Coach: Karen, I have another another saying for you posts. "Studies have shown that studies cause cancer in rats."
class (pause ... this is really random!)
Nadia: (brightly) I have a rat with cancer.
class: (laughs)

Coach: I got some new shoes, make me play better.
Cheyenne: (this first guy with a *real* girl's name! lol) (sarcastically) Coach, you should play for the Burns (Burns? I think it's Burns).
Coach: I know, I should. I actually played against some of their players this weekend and made them look stupid.
Karen: Modest, huh, Coach?
Coach: (feet on desk) I did make them look stupid!

And even though Mrs. Myers isn't my German teacher, but my Spanish one, here.

Mrs. Myers: Am I dicomulated? Discobob ... Dicumbob ... Dis-comb-bop-you-lated?
Melanie: Discombobulated?
Mrs. Myers: It's a real word? He didn't make it up?!
Suzy: What?
Mrs. Myers: This kid, he called me dis -- that word, and I thought he made it up! I'll look it up. I don't think I am it! (gets a dictionary out, looks it up).

(throughout the year that has passed, we get several variation of this ...)

Mrs. Myers: (randomly in class; said irritably) Oh, you're one of those that thank I'm discombop-ulated.

Wednesday, November 5, 2003


My German 1 book has, like, 14-16 year old kids in it. Jens. Holger. Tara. And others. But those are the three that are going to have mad monkey love.

Rod: (who's been getting a lot of air time) Does "Mutti" mean mother?
Grubby: Yes. (pause) No, it's like Mommy.
Rod: Aren't these people a little old to use Mommy?
Nadia: I still call my mother Mommy.
Rod: Yeah, but you're a girl.
Coach Grubb: (annoyed) Jens is too.
Rod: He is?
Coach: Stop it.
Rod: Is Jens a lesbian too? Because she was hitting on Steffi in the last conversation.

Friday, October 24, 2003


Rod: Coach, what does this word mean?
Grubby: (in his insane Adam Sandler voice that he uses all the time) I am not a dictionary! Look it up!

two minutes later

Rod: (exclaiming extremely loudly) BIRTHCONTROL?
Grubby: What?
Rod: It means birthcontrol?
Grubby: Gimme that! (swipes dictionary) Rod! Gerbertstag, not [German word for birthcontrol, that sounds like "Geburt" and control put together]. What are you, dyslexic?

Saturday, October 18, 2003

1:28PM - Coach Grubb, continued

This won't make sense if you don't read the first two parts of the previous entry ...

GRUBBY: Look, Karen, these words are all made out of the word "one" in German. See this? One! So there is no plural indefinite!
KAREN: Is there a word that means some that is made out of the word one?

*next A-day, two days later*

KAREN: (slyly) What's the word for "some" in German?
GRUBBY: Einige.
(It sounded *really* wrong)
KAREN/ROD: Excuse me?
GRUBBY Einige. E. I. N. I. G. E.
KAREN: SEE, COACH! Plural indefinite, made out of one! See! *goes up to notes on board and writes in "einige" under plural indefinite article*
GRUBBY: Sit down!

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